A rather busy day outside the realm of my computer along with a few drinks to end the evening, made me believe that I was going to beat my insomnia this evening. Instead, at exactly 3:37am this morning I found myself wide awake, although I did sleep a few hours I thank the courteousness of my mind’s ability to become hypnotized by movies. When I arrived home I turned on a movie and immediately passed out. I’ve developed a reputation with my friends that I can’t stay awake in movies, even if they are in the theatre there is a high chance of me fighting the lean of my head on their shoulders. Unfortunately the hypnosis only lasted a few hours. I mixed in the right ingredients for my diagnosis including: no computer work for the day, a cocktail followed by a few PBRs, running errands throughout the whole day and meaningful PR. Surprisingly- fail.
What am I to do at the earlier hours of the morning especially when I have too much energy to sleep and not enough to feel productive? I layed in bed pondering what lazy fetish could I enjoy at this time that I usually can’t find time for? -music videos. Nothing particular came to mind when I opened up my Mac. When it was time to search on YouTube, I typed “The Arcade Fire”. The first song title that caught my eye was “Rebellion(Lies)”. I don’t remember tentatively listening to this song and it didn’t even look or sound familiar. Oddly enough, the song was fitting.
“Sleeping is giving in, no matter what the time is. sleeping is giving
in, so lift those heavy eyelids.
people say that you’ll die faster than without water. but we know it’s
just a lie, scare your son and scare your daughter.
people say that your dreams are the only things that save ya.
come on baby in our dreams, we can live our misbehaviour.
everytime you close your eyes lies, lies!”- The Arcade Fire “Rebellion(Lies)
Growing up I would have a hard time sleeping and my mother would tell me to think about things that make me happy. This was a trick she would use to ignite my imagination and have my own creativity exhaust me in the late night hours. She knew I was physically tired but I needed to exhaust my brain a little more to kick in the sleep. Was it the creative brainstorming my mother had used on me that has prevented me from sleeping as I got older? Now the creative thinking is far from being just imaginative thinking but has become my reality. Things I would think about that would make me happy and were once dreams of mine as a child are now my reality or the developing into my reality. So now when I use what I learned in “training”, my happy thoughts are my new ideas I create that I want to implement. As the ideas build my mind becomes more restless. I don’t dream at night anymore like I used to. I dream in the day. The more things I accomplish and the more people I meet, the more dreams I have. The fact that I know that those dreams can become reality I think I use my night time to figure out how to effectively implement these new dreams. Talk about a new way of looking at daydreaming.
Some people say that if you set a time everyday to wake up it will help you fall asleep because your body has it’s own clock. I can’t say that it won’t work for me but it doesn’t fit my lifestyle. How can I choose to wake up at 8am every morning when I may be out 3 days in a row until 3am or 4am? Sure I can make exceptions but once we start making exceptions for little things I think the system becomes completely flawed. Besides I really do not like schedules. I would rather setup meetings the day of if convenient by both parties then specify a time in the day which may be inconvenient for one or both parties when the time comes. I believe that is a European style that I possess. Either way, how do I make sure I get enough sleep even if I don’t feel like I need it? Or is the clock that they tell us our body has is more than just for recognizing basic needs? Is there something inside of us the creates urgency and is making our body capable of being able to get things done in which we don’t realize at this time how important it is for them to be completed? Maybe I don’t really need that much sleep right now if I start comparing it to the importance of other things. In the meantime I’ll just find things that I wouldn’t normally get done during the day and utilize the late hours for catch up.
P.S. Thanks mom for encouraging me to dream.